MarySueHater95
by mywildimagination
Summary: For every Mary Sue story, there are two Mary Sue parodies. Here is a story of an author of a Mary Sue Parody.    Disclaimer: All usernames in this story are made up. If you have a username similar or identical to these, it's coincidental.


"Gotcha!" cried MarySueHater95 as she tackled yet _another_ daughter of Artemis into a wrestling hold.

"Mymother will curse u for this!" yelled the Mary Sue.

"Actually, Artemis signed a contract years ago disclaiming all Mary Sues attributed to be her daughter," explained MarySueHater95. "You are now legally as well as physically a creation of some poor, hopeless, eternally ungrammatical thirteen-year-old girl."

"But the auther ofthis fanfic's a 22-year-old-men!"

MarySueHater95 drew back in surprise. "Wow, what a pathetic nosewipe."

MarySueHater95 looked desperately for a "Mary Sue prison" for the daughter of Artemis (whose name is so weird, long, and misspelled throughout the entire fanfic whence she came that her name is withheld here), but the one she ran was entirely full. So MarySueHater95 turned her over to her technologically gifted friend, GreekMythsRule.

"MarySueHater95! I have to tell you something -" GreekMythsRule began.

"Can't it wait?" MarySueHater95 said. "This daughter of Artemis needs to be taken care of."

"But I've run a survey over all fanfiction in the PJO section and -"

"Hey you," MarySueHater95 beckoned to an attending prison guard. "Check her in."

" - there's an alarming amount of spam collecting in the archive!"

"Of course there is, where do you think I got that daughter of Artemis? Hey, don't take off the duct tape until she's behind bars, you hear me?"

The Mary Sue had been completely wrapped in duct tape, somewhat resembling a mummy. "Head to toe or let 'em go" was MarySueHater95's policy.

"But it's not just Mary Sue spam -"

"Listen, I gotta go. I put off updating my Mary Sue parody for way too long."

"But that's just my point!"

Leaving a frustrated GreekMythsRule behind, MarySueHater95 hurried to a Wi-Fi covered area and began clacking away on her laptop. Her new chapter was entitled, "Nico's Speshul Girlfriend," in which a supermodel-gorgeous daughter of some obscure minor deity teaches Nico how to eat tofu.

"Hee hee hee!" MarySueHater95 cackled. "My fanfic is so hilarious with its overly sarcastic jokes! Readers will be schooled by my amazing grasp of syntax! Mary Sue writers will hide their faces in shame!"

When she had posted the chapter, she pulled up her Readers Traffic. "That's strange, my hits have sporadically decreased!" she cried. "I haven't had a review for months! So many people used to favorite my stories! What happened?"

She fussed and fretted for several minutes, then shut her computer and hurriedly stuffed it in her bag. She was late for her class of Mary Sue writers! She had been one of the first to enroll students, but after so many classes were held among PJO fictioners, her students began dropping as quickly as her Readers Traffic.

Barely on time, MarySueHater95 quieted her class and set up her laptop again, bobby-pinning back hairs that had fallen out of her ponytail during her unplanned run. She began solving a level "easy" Sudoku while her class worked in silence.

Today was a betareading day, in which MarySueHater95 betaread the chapters her writers had submitted to her while the class worked on the subsequent ones. Naturally, the first ten minutes of her class passed by as slowly as if Kronos had entered the room. However, today a rare hand popped up behind the orderly rows of female fanfictioners, which went unnoticed by MarySueHater95 (who was trying to figure out how three sixes had mysteriously aligned) until a deep but timid voice piped up.

"MarySueHater95?"

Still transfixed on her Sudoku, MarySueHater95 answered, "Yes?"

"My maine caracters missing!"

"Missing?"

"my daughter of artemis! Shes gone!"

MarySueHater95's head snapped up, her Sudoku book flapping shut, her face twisted with badly hidden outrage. "Daughter of WHO?"

"WHOM!" The class corrected.

Embarrassed, MarySueHater95 looked the original questioner squarely in the face. He was new to the class, still indoctrinated in the untouchable plots and characters, and several years older than herself. Yet the last factor did not hinder her patronizing tone in addressing the class: "Everyone? Which of the untouchable characters has superapollofan#1 written about?"

"Daughter of Artemis," the class chorused in monotone.

"You see, superapollofan#1, I have personally captured hundreds of daughters of Artemis," MarySueHater95 bragged. "I brought one in today. They are all hopeless Mary Sues."

"But shewas _different_! she had a _pimple_!"

MarySueHater95 rolled her eyes. "Under her chin where no one can see." She had identified this Mary Sue with the one she had just captured, and remembered this strange occurrence.

"she got it from playingviolin," superapollofan#1 said with tears in his eyes.

"Musical talent! Combined with excessive beauty, a symptom in almost every Mary Sue!" MarySueHater95 exclaimed.

"But i LOVED HER!" superapollofan#1 sobbed. "She wouldve ben my one true love!"

Face completely red, MarySueHater95 screamed, "You idiot! You stupid fantasizing child! How could you be so unoriginal? So uncreative? Why can't you just listen to my brilliant understanding of -"

A hand previously unnoticed grasped MarySueHater95's mouth and tackled her into a wrestling hold. "You're under arrest!" cried the shadowy, masked assailant. "You are a plague to fanfiction! Your sarcasm, stuck-upness, grammatical uptightness, and unuseful reviews are creating spam all across the fandom!"

Energetically, superapollofan#1, cried, "you Evil flamer! i don't ever wanna see ur face again!" He stormed from the room.

The masked assailant sighed. "superapollofan#1 has many faults, among them grammatical errors and unoriginality, but MarySueHater95 has gone about the wrong way of doing this. Enraged by the terrible fanfiction infesting our archive, she used ridicule and flaming to try and destroy it. Like her, many fanfiction users have written parodies about Mary Sues, thinking that writers will see the error of their ways. However, this only enrages writers who have written this, and they lamely cling to their stories, or else they quit fanfiction altogether. The best solution is to give reviews that are balanced with improvements and compliments, and to write good fanfiction ourselves, instead of spamming with stories that aren't really stories, but rude advice."

And with that, the masked assailant dragged MarySueHater95 out of the room, leaving a gaggle of gaping girls.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**As all parodies are, this is overly exaggerated. I can confidently assume that no one on this site is as obnoxious and annoying as MarySueHater95. However I must point out the irony in this fic and the PJO fandom. As I am using an obnoxious advice fic to advise against obnoxious advice fics, cliches are condemning cliches. Yes, the cliche sarcastic teenager is taking over this fandom in a way that is not considered cliche at all! While we all have a tedency to use and enjoy sarcasm, it can get a little over the top (coming from a very sarcastic person). Instead of hating how everyone else is writing bad fanfiction, we should write fanfiction we love and take pride in, and if we happen to get good reviews, we should improve instead of gripe. However, the most annoying thing is looking for good fanfiction to read. I suggest looking up the homepage of the Veritas award, a site that is gathering widely approved PJO fanfics. Now happy fanfictioning!**


End file.
